Catt Scratches

I should be doing more sprints, but they take a lot of out of you, and they make you breathe heavily. Tonight I thought, it might be nice to be a short distance runner. You know, like Usain Bolt. I started at 5.5 and worked my way up to 10.5 tonight. But my heart wasn’t in it. i don’t like treadmills. I don’t like the LA fitness facility that’s close to me. I’m just complaining here. Somebody shut me up, please.

Sprints are short term extreme pain; marathons are long dull aches. They have their upsides too. There’s a real blast that you get from running fast. All of a sudden, you’ve materialized fifty feet away with no clear memory of how you got there. And then there’s that blessed feeling of being completely drained after a long run. It feels like vindication.

I’m just blathering here. For some reason, the anxiety has me today. How do I fit it all in this week. How will I do? Will I get another cold? Will I be felled by a cramp? What if I get that 2 mile feeling of despair on the day of the race? Why do I do these things?

Fear, loathing and worry. I rarely give myself over to them but sometimes they sneak in and steal some of my life. Really, every moment I’m afraid, I lose a moment of joy. It’s one thing to be in pain but it’s really ridiculous to give yourself to fear or worry or loathing. One of my friends once sent me a birthday card that said, “Why Worry? There’s only two things to worry about: you’re either sick or you’re healthy. If you’re healthy, there’s nothing to worry about; if you’e sick, there’s only two things to worry about You’ll either get better or you’ll die. If you get better, you have nothing to worry about. If you die, there’s only two things to worry about: you’ll either go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about. If you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won’t have time to worry!”

More tomorrow. It’s going to be a great day tomorrow.